Edward: Volterra
by CullenLove002
Summary: Ever wonder what Edward was thinking in Volterra new moon , and not JUST the part where he and Bella re unite? I'm talking about the whoooole 5-6 chapters baby. Well, here it is. Edwards's POV of Volterra- and after. Winner of the 09 Midnight Sun Award
1. Reunion

Shrinking down, crumpling on the cobble stone walkway, I felt like I was drowning in my own misery and guilt. Misery that Bella, my beautiful, fragile, human Bella, was gone. Gone forever and I couldn't save her this time. Guilt that it was my fault, guilt because she'd killed herself because of me. She had been miserable enough to take her own life away.

_My fault, Bella gone. My fault, Bella gone. _

I groaned loudly, making the happy people along the sunny streets jump a little. My tearless sobs were putting a damper on the thought that I could be with her soon, and if I couldn't… well then I would have to endure it. I'd caused this, and I deserved hell after what I'd done. What time was it now? Quarter past eleven.

Fifteen minutes then. Fifteen minutes that I could think about Bella, and everything we had shared, and everything she hadn't been conscious for it to be shared.

The blue van rushing towards her, me saving her life. Watching her sleep, hearing her breath my name countless times. Telling her the truth about what I am. Annoyance when I couldn't hear what she was thinking. Bella, telling me that she wanted me. And then that she loved me. Our first kiss – and her irrational reaction. James, in the field and at the Ballet studio, agony watching the blood spill over her mangled body. Saving her, taking her to the prom, every kiss, and every touch; memories of what could no longer be. I shuddered as I pictured Bella's lifeless, bloody body in the ballet studio. I saw it again with her sinking and gasping for air at the bottom of the ocean…

Since I only had a few minutes left to live, I decided to focus on the good memories, and pretend that she was still with me, that I could hold her in my arms. I fell into a dreamlike trance, watching Bella sleep and replaying every loving moment between us. If I could just stroke her sea weed hair one more time, if I could only see her blush, the warm blood spreading to her face, causing her to look at her feet.

It was hard to believe that only a year ago, I was a bitter, lonely vampire, who had no reason for anything. Now so much had happened. I'd experienced real love, I'd felt emotions that I thought were gone forever.

And now I was back to where I started. The only reason for anything had been ripped out from under my feet. Why, _why _had she taken her life? Hadn't she promised to keep herself safe? To keep herself out of harm's way? But hadn't I made a promise to never hurt her? And wasn't that the reason for her jumping off… I couldn't bring myself to say it.

So I made my conclusion. Bella's death was most definitely one hundred percently my fault. Not that it would change my decision if it wasn't, but it just made it worse.

I looked up at the sun that I'd once hated for imprisoning me in the shadows, now was my life preserver, in a sense. The sun would help me on my quest to death, and that in itself was more than I could ever wish to come from the sun.

I stood, waiting for my last two minutes of life to come to its end. I could see Felix and Demitri waiting in the shadows opposite me, their black cloaks flowing at their sides. As much as I hated them and their guard, I had to give thanks to them, also. They, too were bringing death to me. I could hear them over the roar of the crowd, impatiently waiting for me to expose myself – but I tuned them out.

I pictured Bella's face in my mind, and tried to suppress the surrounding noises from the festival. Without conjuring it, I heard her voice, screaming my name, over and over again. I smiled. I was so at ease, with her, Bella in my presence, calling my name. _**Edward, this is stupid, and wrong. Stop it right now, just go back to Carlisle, you need to stop, Edward. Just because I'm gone doesn't mean you can't stay. You knew this would happen… someday…**_

I'd heard her voice tell me the same thing over and over as I'd planned my destruction. It was a perfect memory inside my head, there was no way to bury it inside of myself even if I wanted to. She was the only thing for me, without her, my existence didn't matter. I could hear the distant sound of her cries closer now, and I could hear the sound of her heart pumping, a sound that wasn't really there. Was she calling for me? I didn't look, because I knew the only place I would find her was in death.

_Don't worry, love, we will be together soon, I promise._

I heard her voice reach up an octave, and her breathing was staggered, her heart was pumping faster than normal. Maybe that was a result of death, did it really matter anyway?

"No! Edward, look at me!" Her voice was stressed, and I wondered why. _I _am_ looking at you, Bella._ It was true, her beautiful face and her laugh swirled in my head like the heroin I'd described to her so long ago.

I stood, took my last breath, and stepped out into the blazing sun.

But something hit me. It wasn't enough to throw me back, as I thought it might. If the two dark shapes across the way had intended to push me back, it wouldn't have felt like it did. However, I had no idea what they had planned for me, so I opened my eyes to see what had hit me.

The clock struck again, and my eyes widened as I looked at what small creature was in my arms. Bella was absolutely beautiful. She was in my arms. We were together, and she was here, she was really here. It wasn't a hallucination this time, I could feel the heat of her skin and I could feel the fire erupt in my throat, a feeling I never thought I'd miss. Finally, my heart was whole, she had filled the gap that had been a part of me for too long. But she still looked sick. She was thinner than I'd remembered, her cheeks were shallower, and she was pale enough to pass as a vampire. Of course, I reminded myself, that is what happens to bodies once they no longer work. There were deep circles under her dark, glistening eyes, which were wide with fear. What did she have to fear in this place? Oh, that's right, me.

No matter the reason for her appearance, she was still stunning, and dazzling as she'd once called me. It was odd, that I was really here with her. Really here with her in my arms, her scent in my nose and her face in my eyes. "Amazing, Carlisle was right."

She was pushing against my chest, I think, it was hard to tell. It didn't feel like much pushing, but since when had Bella been army strong?

Bella opened her mouth and choked out a gasp, "Edward, you've got to get back to the shadows. You have to move!"

I smiled down at her, so beautiful. What she said didn't register. Silly Bella, always worrying, but we didn't have to worry now. We were safe, and we could be together. I caressed her cheek lightly, wondering if she was still breakable here in the afterlife. She looked fragile, she _felt_ fragile. She was a small porcelain doll that could be crushed at the slightest touch.

She body crunched against mine, felt wet, her legs were slopping wet. I remembered that she'd drowned in death. That was interesting. I wondered if I looked at all dismembered to her? Or did I seem fiery? Was I burning in any way?

For a brief moment, her face was alit, she was glowing, and she looked healthier with a small smile that flashed across her face. Good. She was happy too.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing- they're very good," and they were. I didn't feel anything at all, except for the small push that had shoved Bella into my arms.

Beautiful Bella. My memories of her were perfect in my steel trap mind, but seeing her here, I felt like I'd been missing so many details. "_Death that hath sucked the honey from thy breath, hath no power yet upon thy beauty._"

I sucked in a breath, her delicious scent swirled in my head, and it still raked at the back of my throat with burning flames. "So maybe this _is _hell. I don't care. I'll take it." I would have taken a thousand deaths of being burned at the stake before I would lived- or not lived- without her for another minute.

The skin between her brows mashed together, wiping away the momentary peaceful look on her face. "I'm not dead, and neither are you!" that was strange. "Please, Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!" They? What need would we have to move? I was content to stay here forever. No more deadlines or clocks to worry about… no more schedules, we had all the time in the world.

"What was that?" I smiled down at her, curious at the reasoning of her distress.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-" Suddenly everything fit together. The deep voices in the back of my head were getting clearer.

_Who is that? Is that the human girl? _

_Good, I'm starving. Smells good too._

_Patience, Felix, Aro gave us instructions. _

Bella was alive. I was alive. We weren't in heaven, but we were together. Together in Volterra with two members of the guard coming for us. I suppressed a hiss and threw Bella against the ally wall- with as little force as I could manage- and tossed my arms out in front of her, making sure that the two black hooded figures gliding toward us couldn't get to her.

_This _must_ be Bella. But she's so plain! How could Edward want his mortality, __everything really_,_ taken away because this stupid, frail human was left out of this world?_

_That's funny. Kind of ironic, how just as we were about to kill him, this stupid human girl comes and saves him. God damnt. _

The stepped just to the edge of the shadows, completely covered in their dark cloaks. The sun did not touch their skin.

"Greetings, gentlemen, I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

_Like he could get off that easily! And now we've got the girl… Aro will want to know everything. How did this happen? Sometimes things get so strange around here. _

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix asked, his breath seething through his teeth.

No.

"I don't believe that will be necessary." I said firmly, stretching my arms closer to Bella, making sure they weren't about to try anything.

_He thinks he can just leave? Ha! We have instructions, and we will follow them. Mmmm, the human _does_ smell good, doesn't she?_

Back the hell off.

"I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun, let us seek better cover."

I could feel Bella shaking gently between the wall and my arms, yet she clung to me like a life preserver. "I'll be right behind you, Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"

But I didn't want her to go. I did, but I didn't. It felt like it would kill me to be separated from her now – which it would, that was exactly what they had planned for me – but if she was going to live through this, she needed to get away. I couldn't be responsible for her death twice. And I couldn't go through her death twice either.

How could she have gotten here, to _Volterra_, of all places in the world for her to be? If she weren't dead, I would expect her to be in Forks, or Jacksonville with Renné. But I was so sure, I'd even called her home, and it wasn't her or her father that had answered. Rose had told me exactly what Alice saw… Someone in my family was probably somewhere trying to catch up. How else would she have gotten here?

"No, bring the girl," I fought back a snarl, if I was going to keep this clean, I needed to work on my temper with Felix.

"I don't think so." I said firmly, as I adjusted my body into a more feasible position for fighting.

"No," The whisper came from behind me, Bella. Her voice shook and her body quaked, why would she have thrown herself into this mess if she were still alive? I needed answers, and I needed them soon, I hated being in the unknown. But Bella came first,

"Shhh," I murmured for her. She shouldn't be worrying about me.

"Felix, not here, Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force out hand after all."

Not _here_. The intentions were clear in Felix's thoughts. They were dead set on killing us both. "Certainly," It was a struggle trying to keep my voice at a reasonable tone, and yet it was still icy cold. "But the girl goes free."

Demetri's voice was hard. "I'm afraid that's not possible, we do have rules to obey." _And that girl does smell delicious… shut up, he can hear you, stupid idiot._

"Then _I'm _afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

"That's just fine," Felix purred.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri heaved a sigh. _He's not going to be very happy… We're done for if they get out. But of course they won't, no one ever has. And if we bring them to Caius… well that'll just be peachy._

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," I retorted. How stupid were they? Yesterday I'd asked to die because of this "stupid human girl", and they just expected me to let her into their hands? I wondered if age affected their brains as it did humans.

We stood glowering at each other for a moment, but then I heard Alice's thoughts. Of course it was Alice, who else would defy me and go to Bella? Who else would drag the innocent girl to the most dangerous city in the world, for me? Well, I could think of a few, but to the first, only Alice. _Edward, I'm sorry. I had to try to save you. She wanted to help, and I just had to try. You wouldn't have believed me if I'd told you myself. I'm so sorry._

Her thoughts immediately returned to some promise to Jasper that may not be fulfilled. Despite the absolute fury I felt towards her for dragging Bella here, I had to thank her for this, even if we may die.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we? There are ladies present." She acted completely at ease as she swung her arms lightly around her.

_Damnt, knew there would be more of them. _

_What the hell? _

They didn't like the even numbers. I hid the inappropriate smirk.

"We're not alone," Alice reminded them. A large family was chatting to their neighbors about the scary people in the corner. It wouldn't be very good for the guard if we broke out into a fight in the middle of a festival.

"Please, Edward, let's be reasonable," Demitri asked quietly, in a hushed voice.

Fine.

"Let's, and we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser." My voice was still monotone. I had to get Bella out of here.

Bella.

Bella, Bella, Bella.

"At least let us discuss this more privately." Demitri reasoned.

I saw it then in his mind, the fact that he'd been trying to conceal even if the other thoughts weren't as well hidden. They had orders to bring me- and Bella- to the massacre room. The room that they slaughtered innocent humans in every day…

My teeth clamped together.

"No." Felix's thoughts were euphoric, anticipating a grueling fight to the death, and then an afternoon snack.

_Oh yes._

Unexpectedly, I heard a new voice rush into the bunched up cloud of thoughts in our little group. It was a female voice.

Damnt,

Jane wafted into our group, a smile upon her face. Everyone relaxed immediately, and I followed their casual stance changes. Except I was the only one changing position because of resignation. "Jane," the little girl was like something from the horror movies Emmett had enjoyed a few years back… _It's always the little girl, the little girl on the swing set and a doll in her hand._ He had repeated to me during one of the many times I'd let him persuade me into sitting through one of the many haunted movies in the world.

"Follow me," Jane's soprano voice filled the small alley space.

Felix motioned for us to follow first. Alice moved ahead of me, walking plenty of paces behind the small vampire.

I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist – she didn't seem to mind, but I still wondered if the close proximity bothered her, after all, I had given her the impression that I didn't want her anymore – towing her up so that we were next to Alice. I wanted to know what was happening.

"Well, Alice, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

"It was my mistake," _and I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, so sorry, Edward. You have no idea! I shouldn't have said a word to Rose, you know how she is. But I had to check on her, I swear I saw it, and I just wanted to help Charlie. If I'd known this would happen, that she was still there, I wouldn't have gone back._ "It was my job to set it right."

"What happened?"

"It's a long story. In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."

So she hadn't jumped off the cliff because, or for, me? She'd jumped off a cliff for _fun_? The idea made me sick in more than one way. Selfishly, I'd felt a sense of rightness, because she wanted to be with me as much as I needed her. And second because given her track record, how could she _not _get hurt during an incident like that?

_You see, she's best pals with a werewolf now. That Jacob Black kid from La Push, There's a whole pack of them now! Seems that when vampires are near it sets of some kind of chain reaction. Anyway, she's been hanging out with him a lot- and he's very young. He promised to take her cliff diving, but his pack needed him the day he'd promised. Apparently she absolutely _needed_ to jump off in the pouring rain in the middle of the storm. I guess I can't see the werewolves, because Jacob jumped in and saved her when he'd heard her scream. Also, Laurent came back- don't freak out- he came as a favor to Victoria._

I had to try my very, very hardest not to burst right there. Victoria? The name was like venom on the tip of my tongue. She'd come back, and Bella was left _alone_? What had I done?

_Bella was hiking alone in the woods- the place _you_ took her. Laurent was hunting, and nearly killed her there. Calm? Okay, then the wolves came out and killed him. Victoria has been trying to get to her, dancing around the edges, really. She wants Bella dead because you killed James. Mate for mate. I don't think our leaving did her much good. Maybe she was safer with us around… Honestly Edward, it hasn't been pretty. When she came home and saw me, she was a mess. Charlie said she's been screaming in her sleep, that she hasn't really been alive since we left._

"Hm." I absorbed this new information. Werewolf best friends, Laurent, Victoria, cliff diving, hiking in the middle of the woods to _our_ meadow… lingering on that thought for a moment. She went to the place I took her, to our secret meadow. Sigh.

I stopped walking as Alice jumped down a hole in the alley. Bella was frozen at my side. "It's okay, Bella, Alice will catch you." I whispered for her. She stared for a moment, then sat by the edge, swinging her feet like a small child on a swing.

"Alice?" Ah, it was so good to hear her voice. Her real voice, anyways, not my hallucinations.

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice called up. I took Bella's wrists gently, as gently as I could so that her hands wouldn't crumble to dust in my stone grasp. I lowered her slightly,

"Ready?" I asked in a low voice.

"Drop her." Alice called up again.

Bella's teeth clamped shut audibly as I released her hands, and she fell. I could hear her land in Alice's arms with a huff. I followed after in a second, and walked to her and Alice, taking Bella into my arms again. I needed her there.

I walked with her forward, and it was only a few steps till Bella through her arms around my waist. My silent heart throbbed.

I didn't notice much of our surroundings, only picking thoughts out of Demetri and Felix's heads in a piece of my brain. I was mostly concentrating on Bella, her grip on me tightening minutely with every step we took. I held her face in my hands, tracing her perfect, rosy lips with my thumb, and pressing my lips and face to her, to kiss her hair lightly in the dark.

I missed her too much. It felt absolutely right, holding her in my arms- it was the best thing that could have happened to me in all my years. I listened to her heartbeat, it was uneven and slightly off, but I couldn't blame her. She must be so frightened.

Bella's teeth began chattering, her entire body was rattling in my arms. I hated to let her go, but I had to keep her warm. I clung to her hand only. "N-n-no," She shook, throwing her arms around me again, and I couldn't resist her. If she needed me, I would be there for her.

We'd reached the end of the underground tunnel slowly, and that factor had made Felix extremely impatient, I'd almost hissed at him. If he heaved a sigh one more time… I tensed myself for the next thing to come as the door opened slowly.


	2. Saved By The Human

The room was bright, too bright. I didn't like it. It was as if they were trying to make us feel more comfortable about the pending massacre.

We walked toward the elevator, and the three members of the Volturi seemed to relax now that we were in their territory.

…_She _does _smell simply mouth watering… I hope Aro doesn't take too long. She's just too tempting… ah, and in a closed space. I wonder why Edward is so attracted to her. Aro said it was worse for him than anyone else. Why go through the trouble? Just eat her! She's food! I wonder if he'll try to fight… Well, obviously he'll fight. He's so protective… for good reason. Yum._

Felix was getting on my nerves. If I don't kill him tonight, it will be a miracle. Jane seemed pleasantly happy, but bored with the task. Like it was too easy. She'd been hoping for a fight. I wasn't paying much attention to the room again. I was still racking their brains; trying to find something that would save us, help us. Their thoughts were the same. Only Felix was truly excited for a slaughter. I could hear the other voices already, Aro's impatience above the rest. Caius was just as irritated by our timing. Marcus was just as bored as our previous encounter.

Flash Back:

"_Please, I can't- I can't do this anymore. Maybe there was a point to saving her before, but now it's useless. She's gone. I can't save her, I can't protect her anymore. Please, just let me die."_

_I looked up into Aro's black eyes. He looked torn._

"_Is it really so excruciating to be away from her? A mere human girl?" I held out my hand, wanting to show him exactly what the 'mere human girl' was to me. _

_He touched my hand. _

_His face twitched in pain- being blown by her sent, I was sure. His face was twisted in agony again and again. Jane hissed._

"_Jane, dear one. Peace. He is merely showing me his thoughts. Obviously this girl is more than we expected."_

_I nodded, my eyes felt like they would crumble at any second. I wanted to scream, to give into the pain, then have it ended- permanently._

"_I still do not know, Edward. I would hate to offend Carlisle." _

_I turned to Marcus. His thoughts had lingered on his own lost love. "Marcus, please. Surly you understand?" He glared at me. _

"_I do not." And his face was bored again. He couldn't care less about the situation. He went back to his grieving. There had been a time that Marcus was a happy person, as I was. He had a Bella. But she'd been taken from him, as Bella was taken from me. _

_If they wouldn't kill me, would I end up like him? Emotionless, with the exception of loss, pain, and boredom? It didn't sound so different from how my life had been before Bella. _

"_We will consider your request, Edward" Aro dismissed me. _

"Good afternoon, Jane," a human receptionist greeted our party warmly. I glared at her. The things she wanted, the things she was already taking part in…

"Gianna," Jane nodded curtly. Felix was a tad bit more interested; he winked at the receptionist, who giggled in response.

Alec was waiting for us, embracing Jane as they came together. "Jane,"

"Alec," Jane kissed her brother on either side of his face.

"They send you out for one and you come back with two… and a half. Nice work." I surprised a growl. His thoughts were no better than Felix's, though his thoughts were more subtle and calm about it. "Welcome back, Edward, you seem in a better mood."

"Marginally," I glared into his black eyes.

"And this is the cause of all this trouble?" He eyed Bella doubtfully. How could no one see how good she was? How beautiful she was? She was better than anyone I knew. I smiled at him, allowing only that much.

"Dibs" Felix called to Alec from behind.

I froze, and this time I couldn't suppress the snarl as it erupted from my throat. He was planning on raping- seducing Bella, prior to his "snack". Incubus. Succubus. The snarl that came out of my mouth was loud, making Bella jump slightly, she cringed into my chest.

Felix motioned me forward.

"Patience," Alice rested her hand on my arm. _If you attack him, that will leave Bella in the open. He wants it. Don't give it to him. _

I looked down to see Bella's face, something that would calm me. Her wide chocolate eyes were questioning, and frightened. I sighed, and sucked in a breath, turning back to Alec.

"Aro will be so pleased to see you again,"

"Let's not keep him waiting," Jane agreed with her witch twin.

I nodded stiffly, and began to tow Bella through the dark halls again. She was still shaking, yet she clung to me as if I was the air she breathed.

We walked through hallway after hallway, door after door. It all seemed to take a very long time, until we reached our destination.

The massacre room was filled with the guard and the three founders of the vampire "mafia". Aro glided forward, an overjoyed look on his milky face. "Jane, dear one, you've returned!" he called as he embraced Jane and kissed her, listening to her thoughts.

"Yes, Master. I brought him back alive. Just as you wished."

"Ah, Jane. You are such a comfort to me." He turned to me, scanning our trio. "And Alice and Bella, too! This _is _a happy surprise! Wonderful!"

I glared harder as he addressed Bella, as if he knew her. Truth be told, he knew her just as well as I knew her. That irked me to no end.

"Felix. Be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this." Aro rejoiced.

Marcus and Caius must be nearby then. They'd known what was happening; they must be close to the action.

"Yes, Master." Felix nodded and then swept out of the room.

"You see, Edward? What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?"

I was, and I had to admit it. "Yes, Aro, I am." I pulled Bella closer to my side, needing her close by. She clutched me closer, tightening her arms. Her pitiful attempt to be strong was heartbreaking. She shook lightly, even if it wasn't nearly as cold in here as it had been in other rooms. I might not be affected by the change in temperature, but I could still feel it.

"I love a happy, ending. They are so rare. But I want to hear the whole story. How did this happen? Alice?" He turned to look at my little sister. "Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake."

Obviously

"Oh, I am far from infallible. As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them." Alice said, looking comfortable despite the dizzying thoughts rushing through her head.

_We'll make it, Edward. We can make it. We_ have _to make it…_

"You're too modest, I've seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like you talent. Wonderful!"

Alice glanced at me.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not." Aro began shaking his head.

I began picking through minds again as I responded. "And also exponentially more powerful. Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing thought your head at the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had."

How inconvenient that it had to be _Alice_, to come to the rescue. Alice, whom Aro wanted very much.

_So he knows everything? _I nodded.

"But to be able to hear from a distance… that would be so convenient." The others had returned, and Aro glanced behind us.

Yes! I'd found something. I could save Bella, if she'd let me, if she'd take me back… If I could stay with her.

"Marcus, Caius, look! Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?" Aro exclaimed.

_Of course it is, Aro. A human who knows our secrets, and everything about us, and that could go and rat our secret out to the world at any second. It's simply fantastic, isn't it?_

Caius wanted his "justice".

_Oh, Didyme. I'm sorry. I wish I knew what had happened… how I could have helped… Oh. A human. Wonderful, yes…. Didyme…_

"Let us have the story," Aro broke the silence, returning to his throne, and Marcus strode forward to touch his hand.

_They are more connected than I'd thought possible. See the bond there? Yes, surprising actually. I've never, in all my years, seen anything quite like it. It's as if they have stolen the Romeo and Juliet romance and dying devotion right from the pages of Shakespeare's own writings. It seems that she's as ready to die for him as he is for her. She's devoted, but unwilling to show how much. He's afraid to cause her pain… interesting._

His thoughts were more comforting than they should have been. For a relationship to work there has to be equal emotion between two people. My fears that she wouldn't take me back were less doubtful than they had been not two minutes ago.

"Thank you, Marcus." Aro pulled his hand away. " That was quite interesting. Amazing, absolutely amazing." Aro was just as shocked as before.

_Edward! So help me god, if you don't tell me what's going on right now… _

I turned to Alice. "Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours." Alice nodded.

_I told you that you couldn't stop true love. That's what this is, you know. Both of you love each other more than you can bear. We shouldn't have left…_

"So convenient…" Aro admired our private conversation, then turned to us. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you." He stared at my arm around Bella. "It's so difficult to understand, even now. How can you stand so close to her like that?"

"It's not without effort," I said quietly. The raking fire was back in my throat, but I couldn't bring myself to feel the… _need_ for her blood. Even the thoughts about what would happen… it was painful.

"But still- _la tua cantante!_ What a waste!"

I laughed humorlessly. "I look at more as a price." My aching thirst was the price to be paid for taking this innocent, selfless girl and keeping her for my own.

"A very high price," Aro eyed me. _Why not just change her? He could save himself so much agony. He's quite the masochist, isn't he?_

"Opportunity cost."

Aro laughed again, "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade so much for such a gift, and yet you…"

"Waste it." I tried my hardest to restrain myself and not roll my eyes.

"Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! Your remind me of him- only he was not so angry." Aro laughed lightly.

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well." I assured him.

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."

This annoyed me. "Hardly,"

"I am gratified by his success, your memories of him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it…pleases me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken in time. I'd scoffed at his pan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong… But your restraint! I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again- if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed."

_What the hell, Edward? I want to knooowww!_

If he thought I was going to kill the object of my every affection, the reason for my existence, the core of my soul, my everything, just for a snack, he was sick.

"Just remembering how she appeals to you… It makes my mouth water."

I felt every muscle in my body tense against Bella. I glanced down quickly. She was staring at Aro, her face frozen in a mask of fear.

Ah, Bella.

"Don't be disturbed, I mean her no harm. But I am _so _curious, about one thing in particular." _Would she be able to withstand my own gift, as she seems to with your own?_

"Ask _her._" I glared at him. She wasn't my pet.

"Of course, how rude of me! Bella, I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent- so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try- to see if you are an exception for _me,_ as well?"

I looked down, and Bella was staring at me now, her face completely covered in terror. I wished I could comfort her, but I just nodded. Aro would not hurt her. She turned to Aro shakily, and raised her hand.

Aro slid of his thrown and glided towards us, and took her hand. They stared at each other, Aro as if she were the most fascinating thing he'd ever set his eyes on, and Bella as if she would break down from fright at any second.

But his face changed after a moment,

Aro couldn't hear anything.

"So very interesting," he let go of Bella and fell back into his chair gracefully. A first, I wonder if she is immune to our other talents… Jane, dear?"

"No!" I snarled at them. No, no, no, NO.

Alice grabbed my arm in attempt to calm me. It failed pitifully.

"Yes, Master?" Jane asked sweetly. It was sickening. I erupted into snarls, my growls roaring from my chest. How could he do this? Even the rest of his coven saw the suggestion uncalled for.

"I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune to _you._"

I let go of Bella, shielding her from Jane and Aro. Jane turned to stare at us. _I'll enjoy this,_ she thought.

And that did it.

I launched myself at the small vampire in the corner and could barely hear Alice yell in protest.

Then I fell.

Agony. It was terrible. Every single fiber in my body was being electrocuted, stabbed with a thousand knives, burned, and bitten all at the same time. I was writhing on the floor.

"Stop!" Bella shrieked, I could hear her step forward, then be pulled back. I rolled and twitched on the floor, staying silent so that Bella wouldn't cry out again.

"Jane," and the pain stopped.

I was on my feet, watching Bella struggle to run to me in Alice's arms. I felt the ache in my dead heart again.

"He's fine," Alice whispered reassuring words to her.

_Alright,_ Jane prepared herself, readying to shock Bella with all her might.

I stared at Bella in horror, not wanting her to endure Jane's horrible gift. I waited a few seconds, listening to Jane's thoughts. She was trying, but it wasn't working. Bella wasn't affected; she stared at me, her eyes widened in shock.

Jane was glaring at her, using every ounce of her gift, but it did nothing. I ran to Bella's side, touching Alice's arm so that I could hold Bella again. She was warm in my arms and she clung to me, shaking convulsively.

Jane hissed, and bent into a crouch. I glared at her.

"Don't be put out, dear one, she confounds us all… Ha, ha, ha. You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once- just out of curiosity."

What a sick, sick man- even for a vampire. But the end of our idle chit chat was coming to an end now.

"So what do we do with you now? I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind? Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company."

"I'd rather not." I said heavily.

"Alice?" Aro turned to Alice.

"No, thank you."

"And you, Bella?" Aro turned to my beloved. I hissed. For someone who was widely known as intelligent, he was a moron. He actually thought that as soon as I had her safe in my arms, as soon as we were together again, that she would join him in his quest for power?

Bella wasn't the next to speak.

"What?" Caius demanded of his brother.

"Caius, surly you can see the potential, I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

There was a brief pause, a moment of silence.

"No, thank you." Bella whispered in my arms. Her voice trembled and broke in fear. I clung to her tighter.

"That's unfortunate, such a waste." Aro sighed.

Hiss, "Join or die, is that it? I suspected as much when we were brought to _this_ room. So much for your laws." I growled at the ancient.

"Of course not." Aro said, surprised by my accusation. We were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return."

Caius was outraged. "Aro, the las claims them."

"How so?" I demanded of him. I already knew of course, but I wanted to see if he'd actually speak his real thoughts aloud.

He jabbed a finger at the small, shivering human girl in my arms, who cringed at the boney claw pointed in her direction. "She knows too much. You have exposed our secrets."

"There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well." I reminded him angrily. He had not told the truth. His real reason was that he was salivating to ruin a "happy ending" as Aro had put it.

"Yes, but when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. This not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not."

"I wouldn't…" Bella began to whisper, but Caius glared at her. I suppressed a snarl as the white haired ancient continued without hesitation.

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us, therefore, she is vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only _her_ life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish." Caius said icily with a smile.

I exposed my teeth, and gripped Bella to my chest. I would fight him when it came to that. I would hold him off and give Alice a chance to run with Bella, she'd risked enough for me already. She deserved a happy ending, at least. And Bella, she needed to survive this time.

"That's what I thought." Caius grinned wickedly at my response.

Felix's thirsty thoughts interrupted me, and I glanced at him as he leaned forward.

"Unless…" Aro interjected. "Unless, you do intend to give her immortality?" Aro interrupted our quarrel.

No.

"And if I do?" Aro smiled at my response.

"Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle. But I'm afraid you would have to mean it."

Agh! Was the world so determined to turn Bella into one of the eternally damned? Was it so content on destroying a perfect soul? It would be so… perfect, for me, if she were a vampire. I could touch her without being afraid of hurting her; I wouldn't have to endanger her life with every second we were together… But I couldn't do that to her. How would she ever forgive me?

I stared down into her deep brown eyes. Terror was the only expression on her beautiful face. "Mean it. Please." She whispered to me. She looked like she was in pain. Did she want to be damned so badly? She came here, and when she didn't get slaughtered, she asked for her soul to be destroyed. There was really now way out of this. Ugh!

Fine then!

_Don't fight it, Edward_. Alice thought, and I saw the image from what felt like years ago flash through her mind. Her and Bella, arm in arm. But Bella's eyes were bright red, her skin was cold and pale…

Alice stepped forward, and held her hand out to Aro. They met halfway, and Alice let Aro listen to her mind.

A few long minutes passed.

"Ha, ha, ha, that was _fascinating!_" Aro mused.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Alice said bluntly.

"To see what you've seen- especially the ones that haven't happened yet!" Aro exclaimed. Didn't he know enough of how Alice's visions worked by now to know that the future isn't set into stone?

"But that will," Alice corrected him.

"Yes, yes, it's quite determined." Aro nodded to himself.

"Aro," Caius began to complain.

"Dear, Caius, do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household… Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!"

"Then are we free to go now?" I asked tentatively. I was tired of the idle chattering that Aro seemed so delighted by. I needed Bella out of here. Especially before their lunch arrived…

"Yes, yes, but please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!" Aro said pleasantly.

"And we will visit you as well, to be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances." Caius warned me.

My jaw locked, and I nodded.

_Ah, lunch!_ Aro thought to himself.

"Hmm, in that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later." Lunch was approaching rapidly fast.

"Yes, that's a good idea. Accidents _do_ happen. Please wait below until after dark, though. If you don't mind,"

"Of course," I agreed, and felt Bella cringe at my side.

"And here, take this, you're a little conspicuous." Aro threw me a gray hooded cloak, and I pulled it over my head. The ancient sighed, his glazed eyes appraising me.

"It suits you." He looked longingly at my figure, and I saw the image of Alice and I, cloaked in black at his sides.

I chuckled, but broke off as their lunch was just outside the door.

"Thank you Aro. We'll wait below."

"Goodbye, young friends," Aro called.

"Let's go." I pulled Bella toward the door with me, and Alice followed at my side. _Shit, no wonder he wants Bella out of here. I thought he was just being testy…_

"Not fast enough." She muttered.

The swarm of people filled the room, muttering compliments about the room. Bella stared at the unfortunate people, and I pulled her face into my chest, not wanting her to comprehend what was going on.

I pushed through the small throng of people, and tugged Bella out of the room just as the tears began to spill over her face.

We rushed past Demitri and Heidi, and I pulled Bella faster though the dark hallway where we could wait to leave. We didn't make it fast enough before the screaming began, and Bella whimpered in my arms.


	3. The Return

We ended our journey through the tunnels and entered the reception room with the human girl, Gianna. Demetri warned us not to leave until after dark, and we walked in the small lobby. I wasn't comfortable with the situation yet. We were still in the lion's den, with the lions at close proximity. Bella was shaking uncontrollably in my arms, crying ruthlessly, and her teeth were still chattering. "Are you all right?" I asked her anxiously.

"You'd better make her sit before she falls. She's going to pieces." I stared at Alice uneasily and walked over the couches.

"Shh, Bella, shh," I rocked her in my arms, trying to calm her.

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her." Alice suggested shrewdly. I shot her a glance.

_Okay, okay. Sorry. I'm not being helpful._

"It's alright, you're safe, it's all right, everything is okay, Bella. Shh, shh". I crooned to the shaking beauty in my arms. I tucked my cloak around her arms, trying to save her from the cold.

"All those people," she sobbed.

Of course, she wouldn't be worried about herself. She would be worried about the strangers that were being eaten in her place. She hadn't changed much. "I know," I whispered in her ear.

"It's so horrible." She whispered back to me.

"Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that." I said. She rested against my body, wiping her eyes with the cloak.

I stiffened as the receptionist came up to us, "Is there anything I can get you?" Despite the sincerity in her voice, her thoughts were more tiresome.

"No."

And she turned and walked back to her desk. "Does she know what's going on here?" Bella asked me, shaking less now.

"Yes, she knows everything." I said stiffly.

"Does she know they're going to kill her someday?" She asked, shock tracing her words.

"She knows it's a possibility." Her face looked up at mine, questioningly. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her." I answered more fully.

Whatever little color there was in Bella's pale, sickly face was gone now. "She wants to be one of them?" She asked, horrified.

I nodded.

"How can she want that? How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room, and want to be part of _that_?" she whispered.

I didn't say anything; I was too focused on her face. Was she sick? She looked ill. More than ill, almost like a corpse. She was too pale, her cheeks hollow, her eyes ashen. Her body was frail, more so than ever before, like she would shatter in my arms. Some emotion flashed across her still beautiful face. Relief? Joy? I couldn't catch it, and neither of my assumptions seemed to be correct in the current situation.

She started sobbing again, and it broke my dead heart to see her so.

"Oh Edward," she held herself tighter to me, still staring into my eyes.

"What's wrong?" I rubbed her back, trying to calm her again. She put her arms around my neck now, hesitantly. She looked a little worried about doing so, probably because the black in my eyes.

"Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" she asked quietly. She was happy? Even crying and shaking in the pit of a vampire cave, she was happy. I wanted to kick myself.

But instead I pulled her closer, because maybe, just _maybe_ she was happy to be with me. Demetri's analysis came to mind. Please, oh please let her take me back. But how could she, after everything I've done to her? Especially after this?

Of course, her words brought to my attention that, no matter the circumstances, I was happy too. She was here, in my arms, where I could protect her. We were together, after all those horrible months when I truly believed I would never see her again. It was like heaven.

"I know exactly what you mean." I rubbed my hand against her arm. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy…For one, we're alive." I started out with one that wouldn't subject her to agreement.

"Yes, that's a good one." She nodded slowly.

"And together," I whispered. She only nodded, and that damaged my hopes marginally. "And with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow."

"Hopefully," she added, her voice was quivering slightly.

Alice interjected, "The outlook is quite good, I'll see Jasper in less than twenty four hours." Her thoughts were completely blessed out by the images she saw.

Bella and I stared at each other for an immeasurable amount of time. Her eyes did look happy, and sort of longing. She had bruise like circles under her deep eyes, she could almost pass for a vampire. I traced them with my thumb, trying to erase the images they presented in my mind.

"You look so tired."

"And you look thirsty," she countered softly.

"It's nothing," I assured her.

"Are you sure?" she said, almost unwillingly. "I could sit with Alice," but she looked just as pained by the thought as I was. I couldn't let her go. Not now.

"Don't be ridiculous. I've never been in better control of _that_ side of my nature than right now." I said.

We continued to stare, as Alice and I discussed travel plans.

"The airport isn't far away, we'll want the quickest flight out. If we could catch a direct flight- which we probably won't they only have one of those in a blue moon. If we get our connection in London, then it will save us a couple of hours." Alice planned.

I nodded, "We'll need a car," I saw the flash of images in Alice's mind. A bright yellow porche that she'd stolen for the journey here.

"I can handle that." She assured me. Alice's thoughts traced over our discussion with Aro, remembering the pieces of the conversation she still did not understand. "What was all that about singers?"

"_La tua cantante,_" I said softly.

"Yes, that."

I shrugged, "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my singer- because her blood sings for me."

Alice laughed freely, and that ended our conversation.

Bella's eyes were still fixed on my face, and I couldn't bear to move my eyes from her face. I wanted to unlock the secrets of what she'd been through in my absence, to see the damage I'd caused. I wanted to memorize her face, even though it was already perfectly preserved in my head. I memorized the way she blushed lightly when I kissed her hair, her face, her nose, the way her heart beat franticly with every touch.

Eventually Alec walked through the doors, a bearer of good news. "You're free to go now. We ask that you don't linger in the city." His ruby eyes fell to Bella, staring at her, unable to understand her appeal for me.

"That won't be a problem." I said icily as he turned and walked away. Gianna took his place, giving us the directions I already knew.

"Follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators. The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Goodbye now," she added pleasantly.

Alice glared, shooting daggers into the human girl's face as we walked down the hall. It took us a short amount of time to exit to the streets, Bella glancing behind her back momentarily.

Alice ran ahead, going to retrieve Bella's things.

The streets were lit with lamps, the stone walls glowing in the dark night. The crowded square was filled to the brim with people dressed up in black capes, slicked back hair and plastic fangs on every person in the street. "Ridiculous," I muttered under my breath.

"Where's Alice?" Bella questioned, sounding worried.

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning." I soothed her. She seemed relieved by this information.

"She's stealing a car too, isn't she?" I smiled down at her.

"Not till we're outside."

Bella was obviously tired, she walked sluggishly, struggling to support her own weight, so I wound my arms around her, holding her up as we walked through the streets towards the entrance to the city.

Alice was waiting for us in a black car, just outside the city gates. I pulled Bella into the back seat beside myself, and she clung to my torso feebly.

"I'm sorry, there wasn't too much to choose from," Alice said, staring at the dashboard of the car, longing for the porche she had stolen before.

"Its fine, Alice. They can't all be 911 Turbos." I teased lightly.

"I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous." She sighed longingly.

"I'll get you one for Christmas,"

She beamed at me, and after a moment added sternly, "Yellow,"

I held Bella in my arms for the entire car ride, wishing she would close her eyes and sleep, the rings under her eyes more pronounced in the dark. She just continued to stare at my face, as if she were afraid that I would disappear if she blinked.

"You can sleep now Bella, its over." I rubbed her arm.

"I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired." She lied. I pressed my lips just below her ear, feeling her shudder under my touch.

"Try," I pleaded with her. She shook her head. "You're still just as stubborn." I sighed hopelessly.

Alice got us to the airport quickly, buying us tickets to Rome, unable to get our connection in London. We boarded in first class, the large chairs made it easy for me to hold Bella. The entire time she stared at me, just as before.

We ran from plane to plane as we boarded our flight to Atlanta. I thought Bella would give in for the thirteen hour flight from continent to continent. Of course, I'd been wrong.

Bella asked the flight attendant for a Coke, and I shook my head at her. "Bella."

"I don't want to sleep," she reminded me, her tone very matter of factly. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares."

I couldn't argue with her.

I held her the entire time, tracing her face as her delicate fingers caressed my stone face. I kissed her hair, her forehead, and her wrists, savoring each touch, because I still wasn't sure she could find it in her heart to forgive me.

We landed in Atlanta, and boarded a smaller plane to Seattle, and Bella still did not sleep. When we finally landed again, Bella and I trudged forward through the gate. My family was waiting. Alice ran straight to Jasper, but I continued to pull Bella forward to my parents.

_Edward! Oh Edward, he's safe. With Bella, gods bless her soul. She was so brave to go and save him. Oh, Edward!_

_Ah, he's safe. Please, Edward. Never do that again! _

Esme reached for Bella, hugging her, even though I still had my arms around her. It was a relief to see them waiting for us, Esme was near hysterics herself as she thanked Bella and then hugged me fiercely. I embraced her, glad to hold her again.

"You will _never_ put me through that again," she growled in my ear.

I laughed, and smiled at my mother, "Sorry, Mom."

"Thank you, Bella, We owe you," Carlisle greeted the fragile girl in my arms.

"Hardly," she tried to say, and I knew that sleep was coming to her.

"She's dead on her feet. Let's get her home." Esme chided me softly.

I pulled her along at my side, not at all excited to see Rosalie and Emmett waiting for us at the car.

Rosalie. I fought back a hiss.

"Don't, she feels awful." Esme attempted to keep her voice down.

Good.

"She should," I said loud enough for the blond vampire to hear.

"It's not her fault," Bella said groggily, her words slurring into the next.

"Let her make amends," Esme asked me. Her thoughts ran along a stream of the past, Rosalie, receiving the news from Alice that Bella was, in fact, alive, and that I'd gone to kill myself.

She was repentant, but that didn't make up for what she did. She'd put Bella in danger again. And that was absolutely unforgivable.

I glared ahead, but Bella's voice calmed me the tiniest bit. "Please, Edward." She asked softly.

I gave up with a sigh, unable to refuse her anything. I pulled her into the back once again, while Emmett and Rosalie slid into the front. Emmett started the car, and pulled out of the air port parking lot.

_Edward, I am so very sorry. You have no idea, I had no idea… I swear I thought she was gone. I didn't know- I had no idea, please, please forgive me?_

"Edward," Rosalie began.

"I know." I said coldly.

"Bella?" Rosalie whispered softly. I suppressed a snarl. She'd never, ever spoken to Bella before. Why did she deserve to, now?

"Yes Rosalie?" Bella asked quietly. She sounded scared.

"I'm so, very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me?" Rosalie never begged. This was a first. She was still pissing me off though.

"Of course, Rosalie. It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you." Of course, Bella was trying to take the blame for something she didn't do.

"It doesn't count till she's conscious, Rose," Emmet laughed.

"I'm… con…cious…" Bella sighed, her eyes drooping.

"Let her sleep," I asked as politely as I could manage. She fell into a light sleep then, not talking at all, only breathing. I stroked her beautiful face with my hand over and over, kissing her hair like I had on the plane.

The car ride didn't last long. Emmett pulled up into Charlie Swan's driveway in less than an hour, stepping out of the car to open the door for me as I pulled Bella into my arms like a small child.

I heard Charlie's thoughts before I heard his voice. _I've called the police department in each city surrounding… I called the hospital in LA to find Carlisle…. Nothing. I've called everyone in town, posted flyers everywhere… Oh Bella, Bella. What have you done?_

Then he heard the car door slam and ran to the window.

_Bella! And that ass hole Cullen. Damn! Why the hell is here? How does he have the nerve to show his face after all he's done!_

It was hard for me to listen then, because Charlie's thoughts rested on the images of Bella's life during my absence. The way she looked the day they found her lost in the woods, the months following, and her zombie act as she avoided anything involving myself. Her screams at night when she'd woken to a nightmare…

"Bella!" Charlie ran out of the house. I walked up the driveway with Bella in my arms, Emmett still waiting at the car.

"Charlie," Bella mumbled.

"Shh," I whispered for her. "It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep."Charlie ran forward, thinking about how he wished he'd brought his gun out. _Damn, I knew that Alice coming back would just lead to more shit from _Edward_ Cullen. _

"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here!" Charlie yelled at me, his expression and thoughts furious.

"Stop it, Dad," Bella groaned lightly, but Charlie didn't hear her. He was watching her sleepy face as he ran forward.

"What's wrong with her?" Charlie was more concerned now, voice still angry and accusing.

"She's just very tired, Charlie. Please, let her rest."

"Don't tell me what to do! Give her to me! Get your hands off her!" He was back to furious. I tried to hand the sleeping girl to her father, but she held onto me with what little strength she had. I didn't try to pull her away, as I knew I could, but I held on. Not wanting to let her go.

"Cut it out, Dad," Bella said with a small amount of volume as her father tugged on her arm. "Be… mad…at _me._" She sighed as the last two words slurred together.

"You bet I will be," Charlie said quieter, now that he knew she wasn't dead or drugged, he saw me capable of that. "Get inside."

"Kay. Let me down," she told me. I obliged half heartedly and let her take a step and then fall forward. I caught her before she hit the ground. "Just let me get her upstairs, then I'll leave." I asked Charlie.

"No," Bella sounded near tears, her heart thudded faster and more frantically.

"I won't be far," I whispered too low for the chief of police to hear.

"Fine." Charlie called stubbornly, as I had already started through the door.

I pulled Bella into my arms like before, and carried her up the stairs, down the hall and into her small bedroom.

It had changed.

The walls were blank, she no longer had any posters or pictures. The walls had dents in them and the paint was fading. The trash was over flowing with papers and inanimate objects, a potted cactus plant was toppled over in a corner with dirt flowing up, not bothered to pick up. Her dresser didn't have anything on top, her books were nowhere to be seen, her CD's missing. It looked like a psych ward for the criminally insane. It was just a bunch of furniture. The only thing that remained the same was the rocking chair in the corner by the window.

I carried Bella to her Bed, resting her head against the pillows and pulling the blankets over her. Then I pulled her fingers away from my shirt, walked back to the door, savoring a look at the sleeping girl with hair like seaweed, sprawled out over the covers, breathing lightly.

I walked back down the stairs and walked to Charlie, waiting for me.

_Damn him, Damn him to hell. Does he think he can waltz back in? No, I won't allow it. Can't Alice have waited another month to show up? I'm sure that Jake would have the ball rolling by then. _

I didn't like Charlie's appraising thoughts for the werewolf. If he knew what Jacob Black was, he would want him as far away from his daughter as possible.

"I don't know what you think you're doing back here, boy. But if I ever catch you with my daughter again, I will get a restraining order. I never want to see you walk through my door again. Do you understand?" he asked severely.

I nodded before adding, "Chief, I'm so sorry. I never meant any harm."

"That doesn't change anything. You have no idea what you did to her when you left without another word, leaving her hanging for months."

I watched awful images in his head, Screaming, tantrums, crying, doctors, despair. She was always clinging onto herself, holding herself together. Tears were always in her eyes and she looked dead. No smile ever traced her lips, no light in her chocolate orbs. She never spoke, never sang, never laughed. She wasn't _alive,_ just like Alice had said.

Agony thrashed through me like an open flame above kerosene.

"I won't let her be hurt like that again, and that means that you are staying away. Now get out." He swung the door open and pointed to the black car that Emmett was waiting outside of.

I nodded, and walked out into the rain.

I pulled the car door open and slid into the back seat. "Tough, brother. Charlie isn't happy, is he?" Emmett said soberly as the car started and drove away from Bella.

"I had no idea…" I started. I couldn't help but flash back to Charlie Swan's thoughts. The images that had passed through his head while blaming me for everything I had caused his daughter.

"You should have seen it Em, she's been in so much pain…" I shook my head as we were passing two miles. "Stop here." The car screeched to halt. "I told her I'd come back." I answered Emmett's silent queries. He nodded, and I threw myself out the door, running through the forest back to the sleeping girl. Her pull on me was like a magnet. I couldn't understand how I'd managed all those months with a pull this hard.

I climbed up the side of her house instinctively, and opened the window quietly, dropping into her room. She was still asleep, her legs now twisted through the sheets. I hesitated, standing still by the open window with the rain dropping from my disheveled hair. She didn't look so different from Charlie's memories. Her face was still ashen, bones still jagging through the skin. Sinking to the floor, I grasped the carpet in my fingers, pulling tufts of it out.

Hatred for myself, for what I'd done to this girl who deserved every treasure in the world, everything her heart desired. She was too good to go through what I'd put her through. And yet, in Volterra, she'd clung to me as if I was the air she breathed. How could she stand the sight of me after what I'd done? How was forgiveness like that possible? She should have spat in my face, or just let the Volturi kill me for such sins.

I stepped onto the bed, listening to the sound of her heart and counting her breaths.

I lay there, listening to Charlie Swan's thoughts. He was still awake, downstairs calling as many people as he could, dishing out the good news… and the bad- which he considered to be my return.

"That's right, she's safe, just dead tired. Guess who brought her back? That no good, rotten Cullen boy. I know what you meant about them now, Billy. Yeah it looks like they might be coming back… Just in the nick of time too, huh? Poor Jake, I'm not sure what this will do to them, but she didn't want Cullen to go. Yeah… tell him I say 'llo,' Oh and would you let that Uley kid know that she's back? He was going half crazy here yesterday try'n to figure out where she went this time. Yep, uh huh. Kay Bills, bye"

I couldn't help but watch tentatively at his thoughts. He had a good memory, playing through the months that I'd been gone once again, with Bella looking like a lifeless, walking corpse. It wasn't till recently that she'd found some happiness in the company of Jacob Black.

The young werewolf may be dangerous, but I couldn't be ungrateful for the difference I saw through Charlie's thoughts. From the lifeless corpse who roamed silently, screaming in the middle of the night, to the corpse who roamed with werewolves and screamed less often. It wasn't much of a change, but anything counted, I guessed.

"Edward," Bella whispered groggily in her sleep. "Edward, stay, don't go. I need you…" the aching in my heart felt like it might burst.

"Don't go… Jacob don't go… I'm sorry… I need him, don't go…" Ah, she was dreaming of me and the dog. "Alice… silly…" she continued talking lazily in her deep sleep. "Edward… mmm" She sighed in her sleep. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me. She fell silent for a few hours, staying completely still like a bump on a log.

Until she started whimpering in her sleep. I did not know to wake her, or to let her sleep.

"Victoria, no… save me…" she began whispering lightly. I snarled low enough not to wake her. Victoria had to go. I hadn't thought that Bella would be in danger from Victoria with me gone. Victoria, Laurent and werewolves. Gah! What had I done? Leaving her unprotected. I couldn't believe myself. Disgusted, I started counting her heart beats again, listening to the melody they composed. The sweetest music.

It was another couple of hours before the talking ceased completely, and even longer that she began twisting, awakening.


	4. Truth

Chapter 4: Reality

Bella twisted lightly in my arms, seeming confused. She closed her eyes tighter, her brow furrowing. I lightly touched the crease marks, not wanting her to worry. She made a face as her eyes crushed together tighter than before.

What was she thinking? Bella snapped her eyes open as if she'd heard me, her chocolate eyes dilating in the dark lit room.

"Oh!" she cried, throwing her arms over her eyes. Oh no. I probably scared her. She opened her eyes again, pulling her arms back over her face, her eyes widening as she registered my face.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked her cautiously. She cocked her head and blinked, still trying to focus. It was a long moment before she spoke again, her face twisted into a mask of pain.

Oh Bella

"Oh, _crap_," she groaned.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked anxiously, twisting my stone arms around her body, my rock arms would probably feel alien to her after all this time. The corners of her mouth turned down.

"I'm dead, right?" Automatic confusion engulfed me. "I _did_ drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie." She ranted, mostly to herself, throwing her arms up in the air, nearly hitting my face, not that it would hurt.

"You're not dead," I informed her, not wanting her unnecessary frets to taint the sweet feeling of having her here in my arms once again.

"Then why am I not waking up?" she rose her brows, contradicting me. She must need more sleep, she wasn't thinking straight. I should not have let her stay awake the whole ride home. It was my selfishness- yet again- that was hurting her. I would have to work on that… if she took me back.

"You _are_ awake, Bella…" I trailed off insignificantly at the glare she was giving me. Maybe this was happening too fast for her. But she'd asked me to stay with her! Of course, she'd been half asleep when she'd made that request. I shouldn't have come; I should have staged our return… But what good would that have done? She already knew I was here, and she'd asked me to stay, that was the only reason I was still here. Of course, I'd probably have left her room before she'd awoken, if she had not wanted me there.

"Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. _If_ I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie,". Typical, Always worrying about others instead of herself. She thought she was dead and yet she was worrying about the pain it would cause her father. "And Renee, and Jake…" She trailed of, furrowing her brows again.

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare." I smiled at her as best I could. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?" I said, putting my absence up lightly.

"Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me." She said matter of factly.

I sighed. Maybe she did want me. But I shouldn't flatter myself.

Bella looked around the room, grasping where she was. "Did all of that really happen, then?" She asked, finally understanding.

"That depends. If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then yes."

"How strange, I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?" she asked, sounding slightly ditzy with her statement. Of course, I _had_ known that. She'd told me on one of those long summer days back before I'd left…

"Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent."

"I'm not tired anymore. What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?" she stretched her muscles and yawned.

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours."A fourteen very long, restless hours of agonizing frenzy for me.

"Charlie?" she asked.

"Sleeping." I answered, remembering the rules her father had made for me. "You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window… But, still, the intent was clear."

"Charlie banned you from the house?" she sounded angry.

"Did you expect anything else?" I asked warily. After all I'd done to her, how could she still expect me to be allowed to see her?

It was a minute before she continued, her eyes told me that she was plotting. I fought against a chuckle.

"What's the story?" she asked abruptly.

"What do you mean?"

"What am I telling Charlie?" she asked, I flinched slightly at his name. "What's my excuse for disappearing for… how long was I gone, anyway?"

"Just three days. Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing." No lie, it wasn't something that could be explained easily. Girl goes missing for three days without a word, and returns with the one person nobody would expect her to bring back. The old boyfriend who'd dumped her rudely and left with his family.

"Fabulous," she groaned.

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something." She looked cheered by the idea.

"So, what have you been doing, up until three days ago?" she asked, choosing each word carefully, weighing them heavily as they slipped through her delicate mouth.

"Nothing terribly exciting," I said, not wanting to give him the gory details on how I'd crawled up into balls in dark alley ways, seeing only her face and only hearing her voice. Sobbing my tearless vampire sobs wishing to be with her. Occasionally she'd come to me, even if it was only an illusion, and tell me that she still loved me. I was a vampire gone mad. Even without seeing her, she was the only thing in my life.

"Of course not," she mumbled, sounding disappointed by my response. Her face twisted up again, less of agony, more of annoyance.

"Why are you making that face?" I queried.

"Well… if you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

She'd been imagining me?

"If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?" I asked, wanting nothing more than to stop her needless fears.

"Nightmare!" she glared at me slightly, paused, and then, "Maybe, if you tell me."

What could I tell her? Without telling her too much?

"I was…" I deliberated, wondering which part of my own personal hell I could tell her about. "Hunting." I ended lamely.

"Is that the best you can do? That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

"I wasn't hunting for food… I was actually trying my hand at… tracking. I'm not very good at it." Searching for Victoria in Brazil when she wasn't even on the same continent wasn't what you might call progress.

"What were you tracking?" she asked, curious now.

"Nothing of consequence,"

"I don't understand." She said, pressing for a direct answer.

How could I tell her? How could I tell her how sorry I was, how much I wished I could take it all back? How much agony it caused me to be away from her? How her agony, her pain, her endangerment, was my entire fault. Completely my fault?

"I," I sucked in a breath, using her sweet scent as inspiration for the speech I was about to make. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know, that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria," I almost snarled the word, "would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him, that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there."

I took a breath, considering my words, and realizing that I'd just used a pathetic excuse as an explanation.

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face," I amended, "When I heard what you told Alice- what she saw herself- when I realized that you had put your life in the hands of _werewolves_, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself," I shuddered and watched her blink a couple of times.

"Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see you and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for-" I'd been about to say "the most miserable excuse for someone who loves you," but she'd cut me off.

"Stop," she paused, her face twisted in the same agony as before. She looked pained, tortured even. It made me sick.

She pulled a mask onto her beautiful face, taking a deep breath, as I had, preparing to make a speech.

"Edward, this has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this… this guilt… rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault; it's just part of how life is for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time," _next_ time? I caught the word and was prepared to interrupt, but she continued without missing a beat.

"You have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and _not your fault. _I know it's your… your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! Its very irresponsible- think of Esme and Carlisle and-"

She paused, and I was glad to take a moment to register what she was saying, what she was thinking. And as soon I did, I was immediately horrified.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I whispered. How could she possibly be thinking the things she was thinking?

"Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill be _because I felt guilty_?" I demanded, watching confusion make itself plane on her face.

"Didn't you?" she asked,

"Feel guilty?" I asked, but didn't wait for a response. "Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

"Then… what are you saying? I don't understand." Bella's face was still confused.

"Bella," the thrill of saying her name sent my dead heart soaring for reasons unknown to me. "I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead. Even if I'd had no hand in your death," I shuddered, shying away from even the thought. "Even if it _wasn't_ my fault," because it most certainly was, "I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful- I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?

Of course, even thought I should have spoken to Alice, I wasn't exactly sane. I'd honestly thought Bella was dead, and that made me crazier than I had been when I just wasn't near her. With her completely gone…

"The odds… The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

"But I still don't understand, that's my whole point. So what?" she asked.

"Excuse me?" it was me who was confused this time.

"So what if I _was_ dead?" she asked. Even though there's supposedly no such thing as a stupid question, I now had my doubts.

"Don't you remember anything I told you before?" I asked her accusingly.

"I remember _everything _that you told me." She replied strongly. I trailed my fingers against her lower lip, for it had turned into a pout.

"Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension. I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

She did still not comprehend. "I am… confused." I fought against rolling my eyes. Of all her thoughts, that was the clearest.

"I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be." I said tightly, as I watched as she froze, she even stopped breathing, and the expression on her face…

I shook her shoulders, trying to save her from whatever thought had put that horrible look on her face. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." I winced at the memory. "That was… excruciating."

She still did not move.

"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye," the look on her face was back, and I continued hurriedly, wanting to put a permanent end to that pain. "You weren't going to let go, I could see that. I didn't want to do it- it felt like it would kill me to do it- but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought_ I'd _moved on, so would you."

I paused, looking for a trace on comprehension on her face. "A clean break," she said, answered my silent query.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible- that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to like through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry- sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you and it didn't work. I'm sorry."

That wasn't even enough to tell her how sorry I was. Nothing could ever explain it.

"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me? I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly _believed_ that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept- as if there was any way that _I _could exist without needing _you_!"

She was still frozen, eyes wide, not blinking at all now. I shook her a little, wanting to wake her up from her stupor.

"Bella, really, what were you thinking!" I said exasperated.

It took one second for the liquid to swell up in her eyes, and spill over the edge. Salt water soiled her beautiful face, her sobs took up her every breath, and she struggled to speak.

"I knew it, I _knew_ I was dreaming!" she blubbered.

I shook my head. How would I ever get my point across with her acting so obtuse? "You're impossible. How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you." The words fell from my mouth like a long kept secret finally being told.

"I _have_ always loved you, and I _will_ always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

She shook her head, and tears continued to seep out from her chocolate brown, deep eyes.

"You don't believe me, do you? Why can you believe the lie but not the truth?" I accused.

Bella finally stopped crying long enough for her to take a breath, "It never made any sense for you to love me, I always knew that." She said.

What was the girl thinking?! That she wasn't good enough for me?

"I'll prove you're awake." I said sternly, taking her delicate face in my hands, preparing to kiss her, completely ignoring her attempts to turn her head away from me.

"Please don't." she whispered helplessly.

"Why not?" I tried to hide the pain in my voice with annoyance.

"When I wake up," I glared at her, so she amended, "okay, forget that one- when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this too." She said, and the pain in_ her_ voice seeped through uncontrollably.

I pulled back, trying to read her face.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so… hesitant, so carful, and yet still the same. I need to know why, Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because I'm too late? Because you _have_ moved on, as I meant for you?" I thought of Jacob Black.

"That would be… Quite fair." And quite unbearable, for me. " I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please- just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" I braced myself for the truth.

"What kind of an idiotic question is that?" she demanded. The girl knew how do built tension and anxiety, didn't she?

"Just answer it. Please." I sucked in a breath and didn't let it out as she glared at me, and I thought I would be leaving out her window in any minute now.

"The way I fell about you will never change. Of course I love you- and there's nothing you can do about it!" She nearly yelled at me, throwing the words out like a life preserver saving me from certain death.

"That's all I needed to hear." I said, and then I kissed her.

She didn't fight with me, and I kissed her harder still, with her kissing me back. Victory was a strange high, and I moved my hands to her hair, tangling my fingers in her strands of seaweed. I held her to my stone chest, not daring to let her go. I traced her face with my finger tips, as she caressed mine.

"Bella," I whispered, and moved my ear to her heart, listening to the not so steady rhythm of it.

_Dum, da dum, dum dum, dum, da dum, dum dum._

But there was still one worry of her's left that I had to clear up. "By the way, I'm not leaving you."

She didn't respond, I lifted my head to stare into her eyes, "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you. I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you-keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life in every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do _something,_ and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could never have made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only _you_ could be more important than what I wanted… what I needed.

"What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave you. I have too many excuses to stay- thank heaven for that! I seems you _can't_ be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

Even that didn't cover the need I had for her.

But she just had to pull the excitement back down.

"Don't promise me anything," she muttered.

"You think I'm lying to you now?" I asked angrily.

"No- not lying. You could mean it… now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I flinched at her hard words.

"It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it? You'll end up doing what you think is right." She explained.

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for. Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time. Or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time- and not much of it- before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

She scowled. "Be serious, please."

"Oh I am. Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what yo mean to me?" I waited till I had her full attention to continue.

I had to think for a quick moment, for the words that would tell her even in the most trivial way, what she meant to me. To finally tell her what couldn't be explained in words. It was very difficult.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars- points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

Yes, that worked.

She stared at me for a moment, seeming quite dumbfounded by my response, then replied, "Your eyes will adjust."

Did she really think me so unattached? So uninterested?

"That's just the problem. They can't."

"What about your distractions?" she accused.

I laughed, not finding the subject funny in the least. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the… the _agony_. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone- like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

I watched her face take on a puzzled look. "That's funny." She muttered under her breath. Of all the reactions I had prepared myself for, humor was not one of them.

"Funny?" I asked warily.

"I meant strange," she corrected, "I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." She sucked in a long breath as if to prove a point. "And my heart, that was definitely lost."

I sucked in her words, letting them heal my wounds, and re open others. I laid my head against her heart, as she lay her cheek against my hair, breathing in.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction then?" she asked, curiously.

"No. That was never a distraction. It was an obligation."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with… Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil- and really she came here." I groaned at my talent-less attempts. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears-" I added, but she caught me off guard.

"You were hunting _Victoria_?!" She shrieked at me, a mask of pure horror plastered on her face- her heart stuttered and raced on. Charlie snored unevenly for a second, then picked up in regular time before I finished.

"Not well. But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer." I half snarled.

"That is…. Out of the question." She replied in a very final tone, shuddering lightly though.

"It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after-" she cut me off again, her tone even but her breathing was ragged.

"Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave? That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

I stared down, a growl rumbling in my chest. "I will keep my promise Bella." I swear to you. "But Victoria," I snarled the name. "is going to die. Soon."

"Let's not be hasty. Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems that Victoria."

So it was _Jake_ now? Alice wasn't kidding about the bond between them."It's true. The werewolves are a problem." I wasn't about to let either of them at her. I should never have left. She could have been hurt… so badly hurt. And she was hurt badly enough before the wolves had come into her life…

She coughed. "I wasn't talking about _Jacob_." That was better. "My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

Her caring tone surprised me. She sounded like a mother caring for her children. Had the friendship between Bella and Jacob become more? But she'd just said she loved me! Ugh! Would it be _too_ much to ask to read her mind? Of course it would.

I clamped my mouth shut, before responding. "Really? Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?"

"How about the second greatest?" said cautiously.

"All right…" I said.

"There are others who are coming to look for me." She said, shaking even as she whispered.

I sighed. "The Volturi are only the _second _greatest?" Even though I knew how to save her from them, SHE didn't. She needed to get her priorities straitened into a more logical order.

"You don't seem that upset about it." Ah, she'd caught that.

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again."

Her breathing sped up, she clutched herself, and she got the same panicked look on her face as there had been previously.

"You don't have to be afraid. I won't let them hurt you." I said, vowing not to let anything touch her.

"While you're here!" she sobbed.

She still thought I was lying? I was furious with myself now. I had lied too well back then. How could I ever regain her trust?

I took her face between my hands, holding her gaze. "I will never leave you again."

"But you said _thirty. _What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right." She complained.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul." Never, EVER.

"Is it really…" she began, but trailed off.

"Yes?" I pressed.

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your _grandmother_?" she said in true terror.

"That doesn't mean anything to me. You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course… if you outgrew_ me_- if you wanted something more- I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me." Even as I said the words, pain erupted in me like fire. A hundred, thousand times worse than the burning, aching flames scorching the back of my throat.

Her eyes grew soft as she spoke again, "You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" she demanded, her voice harder than her expression.

"I'll follow after as soon as I can." I pledged.

"That's seriously… sick." She said angrily, as if my death appalled her.

"Bella, it's the only right way left-"

"Let's just back up for a minute, you do remember the Volturi right?" she shuddered. "I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm _thirty_. Do you really think they'll forget?"

I smiled a little as I shook my head, "No, they won't forget, but… "

"But?" she glared at me as I grinned.

"I have a few plans."

"And these plans," she said acidic, "These plans all center around me staying _human_." She spat the word like a curse.

"Naturally."

It was a moment before she took a breath, and wiggled through my grip. "Do you want me to leave?" I said as pain washed through me. I didn't want to go. I didn't want her to want me to go.

"No, _I'm _leaving." She said as she climbed out of the bed. I hopped off before she could even sit up straight, then watched her scramble around aimlessly in the dark. Probably hunting for her shoes.

I grabbed them off the end of the bed,

"May I ask where you are going?"

"I'm going to your house." She said, I stood beside, her and handed her the shoes.

"Here are your shoes. How did you plan to get there?" I asked as she threw them to the ground and slipped her feet in.

"My truck,"

"That will probably wake Charlie,"

She sighed," I know, but honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?" she said bluntly, sadly.

"Non, He'll blame me, not you." I knew two facts in the entire world more than anything else. Fact one: I love Isabella Marie Swan. Fact two: Her father loathes me. Not that that loathing isn't justified, but…

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I said hopelessly.

"No dice. But you can go ahead and make yourself at home." She said mockingly. Her mood seemed improved. I barred her exit way, but saw a flash in her eyes as they darted for the window. Oh god.

"Okay, I'll give you a ride." I gave in.

She shrugged, "Either way. But you probably _should _bet there, too."

My eyes narrowed. "And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views." She sounded too causal for this to be any kind of visit.

"My views on what subject?" I asked, through gritted teeth, even though I had a pretty good idea on what this would be about.

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human," it was only stupid to her. "then your family ought to have a say."

"A say in what?" I full out glared now.

"My mortality. I'm putting it to vote.

Oh _shit._


	5. Vote

**Hey all! Sorry, this has taken me wayyyyy too long to write. You would not believe the writer's block I had for this next chapter. I've started half a dozen times and I can never get the words right. Also, I would like to tell you about the reason my writer's block has gone away – for now at least – and it is MUSIC. I have found some amazing new songs that have gotten the creative juices flowing, and I thought I might share it with you. I listen to it while I'm writing, and reviewing, and it helps me get the emotions right. SO: for the first chapter, I have "Northern Lights" from the Twilight Piano Music album that can be found on iTunes. For the fourth, I have "Moonrise" also from the same album. And for future readers, I have "A Walk in the Forest" for an upcoming story that takes place right after New Moon, a very care free story, just the way I like it. **

Did she really want this so much? I couldn't understand her mindset, she couldn't be _that_ terrified of getting old. Other than that, what could possibly be tempting enough for her to destroy her _soul?_ I took her into my arms and leapt out of the window without letting her move in the slightest. I let her loose a tiny bit, giving her space to crawl to my back,

"All right then, Up you go." Bella clambered her way up my back, needing some assistance from me, and I bolted into the familiar forest. It felt good, running with her. It wasn't care free like it was just to _run_, but it gave me a purpose. I was protecting her again, and it felt absolutely right.

I thought carefully as I ran, considering my plan to keep her human and safe. I was sure that Demetri would be unable to locate her, and there were billions of places in the world to hide her. I knew that Emmett would be game for this plan, because it involved a fight. When the guard came to look for her, and didn't find her, then he'd head straight for me. Not that it mattered, the sooner he came for me, the sooner we could finish him off, and then we wouldn't spend all our time thinking of new hiding places. Of course, if I was wrong, we were all doomed. If I hid Bella under the impression that Demetri couldn't find her, the Volturi would know that I had tried to deceive them, and that would be the direct result to all of our destruction.

We'd have to find some place unpredictable, and we'd have to get there without public records. It would be all too easy for them to access public records, phone bills, ticket purchases, credit card records, it was all putty in their fingers. If we couldn't buy tickets, we'd just have to buy a plane, with cash. If we used a card, they'd know. And we'd have to keep the human who sold it to us under observation too. We already had a boat, maybe I'd buy another car to help in different conditions. We'd need equipment and places to stay wherever we hid…

It would drag thousands out of the Cullen family bank accounts, but it didn't matter. I would use every penny that we had to save her, and I didn't care what it cost Rosalie's wardrobe. Bella's safety came first, and I would never, _ever_ leave her again.

I felt her weight shift on my back, and her warm lips kiss the skin on the side of my throat. The touch of her skin on mine in the darkness was like electric fire, my dead heart was sent flying. "Thank you, does this mean you've decided you're awake?" Her fears that I would disappear were irrational and silly. How could I ever be without her? My time without her… was the worst possible part of my being. Worse than when Carlisle bit me, worse than even before I'd known she existed, and a hundred times worse than anything the Volturi could do to me.

Her chest on my back heaved a laugh, the sound was like bells chiming and the trickle of a stream. "Not really." I rolled my eyes. I would show her, I would eventually make her see what she meant to me. "More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

"I'll earn your trust back somehow, if it's my final act." I vowed.

"I trust _you_, it's me I don't trust." Well that didn't make sense at all. She was the most trustworthy person I'd ever met. What had she done that she couldn't rely on herself to do good? Or that involved me staying? I realized that I'd slowed in my concentration, coming gradually to a walk.

"Explain that, please."

"Well…" she paused, thinking. "I don't trust myself to be… enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could _hold_ you." She admitted, weighing each word with difficulty. I could hear the pain in her voice. This again? Couldn't she understand that she was the most beautiful thing in my world? I reached for her and pulled her to my chest and wound my arms around her waist, securing her there, where she belonged.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable, never doubt that." I whispered in the dark. She looked into my eyes, searching for some false note, some hint of hesitation. She found none, because there wasn't anything there. She could look forever, but there would never be anything to find. Her dark eyes were wondering, dark chocolate with a deep caramel coating. "You never did tell me…" I whispered again, caught in the gaze of her eyes.

"What?" she blinked curiously.

"What your greatest problem is." Truthfully, I wondered what else there was to worry about. The werewolves, Victoria, the Volturi… I was pretty sure that covered it. She glanced down at her hands laid on my chest, sighed lightly, and then looked back up to me.

"I'll give you one guess," she pulled a hand from me and tapped my nose with the tiny tip of her finger. Of course it was me, after everything I'd done to her. How couldn't I have guessed that one straight away?

Nodding, I hung my head, "I'm worse than the Volturi, I guess I've earned that." Bella rolled her eyes at me, as if explaining something obvious to a child for the thousandth time.

"The worst the Volturi can do is kill me." She stated plainly, as if death wasn't a problem. Again, I was faced with what I'd done to her when I'd left. I waited for the rest of the explanation, to see if there was any sense to what she was saying, "You can leave me, the Volturi, Victoria… they're nothing compared to that."

Acute agony ripped across my like a wild fire. It was like she'd died all over again, not quite as bad, but it hurt. I couldn't stand what I'd done. I couldn't even remember the reason for it anymore, there was no reason, no excuse, to leave this beautiful little girl in such pain. It felt like someone was burning me, like the venom running through my veins, it was worse than Jane's sadistic gift. A strange look crossed her face, and I saw agony in her eyes, too.

"Don't, don't be sad," she whispered, bringing her hand to my face again, and touching her finger tips to my stone cheek. I leaned into her hand and smiled to her, she shouldn't worry.

"If there was only some way to make you see that I _can't_ leave you… Time, I suppose, will be the only way to convince you." She smiled with me, and I saw a light touch her eyes.

"Okay," she nodded in agreement. After a pause, she began again, hesitating. "So – since you're staying… Can I have my stuff back?"

I laughed lightly, still trying to ward off the agony, but answered her question, "Your things were never gone. I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets – they're all under your floorboards."

Her eyes grew wide with shock, my answer seemed to please her, "_Really?"_ she inhaled and grinned like a kid on Christmas morning, seeing the dozens of stacked surprises under the tree. Her joy turned to wonder, which melted into her critical face, the one she always had when she was thinking very hard about something.

"I think… I'm not sure… but I wonder…" she paused, not seeming sure of herself. I looked into her eyes, encouraging her to continue. "I think maybe I knew the whole time."

"What did you know?" I prodded, I hated it when I couldn't hear what she was thinking at times like this, when I could see the complicated wheels of her mind turning.

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died." I was shocked at this revelation, realizing that she'd been under the impression that I didn't care for her _at all_. She'd thought I didn't care enough about her to be concerned about her well being. Even Jessica, one of the worst possible "friends" that I knew, cared about Bella's safety. She didn't seem to notice my pause, and continued, "That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

I stopped to think about this for a moment. I had done so much damage, but I already knew that. Why did it keep hitting me like a ton of bricks – as if bricks could do anything to me – should I be used to hearing how much of a miserable excuse for love I am?

"Voices?"

She started again, looking into my eyes and searching for something. She was being very cautious with what she said. "Well, just one voice. Yours… it's a long story." I stared at her for a moment. She'd been hearing my voice?

"I've got time,"

"It's pretty pathetic," Bella hung her head and looked back up at me when I didn't respond. She waited for a moment, then began again. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?" she asked carefully. I wondered if what she had to say was so bad that she would have to watch her words like this.

"You jumped off a cliff for fun," I said bluntly. Her blatant enjoyment for putting herself into dangerous situations was grating on me.

"Er… right." She said uneasily, "And before that, with the motorcycle –"

"Motorcycle?" This caught me off guard. She'd been on a motorcycle, and hurt herself no doubt. What reason could she possibly have for taking part in such dangerous pass times? Before I'd left, she would never have gotten near the things she was explaining to me.

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part…"

"No." I said, maybe a little too harshly because she put her head back down, staring at her hands still relaxed on my chest.

"Well, about that… see, I found that… when I was doing something dangerous or stupid," so she agreed that she was being reckless? "I could remember you more clearly. I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much – it was like you were protecting me again, like you didn't want me to be hurt.

"And well… I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because underneath it all, I always knew you hadn't stopped loving me."

I sucked in a breath, and choked on it. Her words strangled me so I couldn't get out a complete sentence, "You … were … risking your life to hear …" I could have kicked myself, I almost _wanted_ the Volturi to kill me right then and there. The bricks hit me again.

"Shh," she placed a finger over my mouth, but looked down at the ground. "Hang on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here." I stopped, and waited for her to think.

Jumped off a cliff, road motorcycles, and god knows what else, to hear my voice. She almost _died_, could have been _killed_, just to hear my voice again. It was a solid minute before she opened her mouth again, and snapped her head up to look at me, a triumphant look on her face.

"Oh!" her eyes were wondrous again, and I worried for a moment.

"Bella?"

"Oh okay, I see," she nodded to herself, completely confident now, all hesitation gone.

"Your epiphany?" I asked patiently, hoping for something that would distract me from the awful thoughts spinning in my head. I got it.

"You love me," she beamed up at me. Had she just realized this? Had she finally understood? I smiled down at her, pulling her closer to me.

"Truly, I do." I reached for her face and cupped it in my hands, bringing her lips to mine, and almost forgetting about being careful. I kissed her like she deserved to be kissed. I breathed in her sent and let her hands roam across my face, her fingers holding onto my hair. I had to break the kiss when I could tell that she was losing it, and pressed my forehead to hers, breathing hard and letting the bliss shower over me.

"You were better at it than I was, you know,"

"Better at what?" she whispered

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, following the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was… totally useless. I couldn't be around my family – I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me. It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."

She smiled, "I only heard one voice,"

I laughed and pulled her close to my side. I began to walk her closer to the clearing where the house was, I hadn't been back in all this time, yet it seemed the same. "I'm just humoring you with this," I pointed towards the house, "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

"This affects them now, too," she said matter-of-factly. I shrugged and opened the front door, flipping on lights as I stepped inside. I was glad to see my piano again. I'd missed it, and I'd missed playing. I'd missed Bella as my inspiration for more and more music.

"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" I asked in a normal tone. Carlisle swept to Bella's side, and began walking with us deeper into the house.

"Welcome back, Bella. What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?" I could see the relief in his face, but his thoughts said more.

_I knew it would work out in the end for him, I knew it had to. Coming back was good, it was what needed to be done. We should not have left in the first place. For his sake, and hers. _

Bella smiled at him and nodded, "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important." She glanced at me, and Carlisle looked too.

"Of course, why don't we talk in the other room." He guided us towards the dining room, and held out a chair for Bella at the head. I took a seat on her left, and Carlisle on her right. The rest of my family filed in, Alice was already grinning like a circus clown, practically screaming.

_Knew it would happen someday. How could we not take her. Told you Edward, it had to happen. One or the other. And this one is much better. _

Esme, Emmet, Jasper, and Rosalie all took seats around the table, and Carlisle spoke, "The floor is yours." Bella swallowed before beginning her speech, like a well prepared politician.

"Well, I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?" she glanced uneasily at the smallest vampire at the table.

"Everything,"

"And on the way?"

"That, too," Alice lightly reminded me of the promise she had made to Bella, to change her herself. I suppressed a tiny growl.

"Good, Then we're all on the same page. So I have a problem, Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing – something to avoid. And now this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." She looked to me, and I frowned disapprovingly. "But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

Esme began to speak, but Bella held up a hand. "Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think they only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me… then I guess I'll go to Italy alone. I can't have _them_ coming _here_."

I growled at what her plans were. Did she think I would honestly let her go? Did she see any way that I could possibly let her out of my sight if that was what she was thinking?

"Taking into account then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire." She gestured to Carlisle to make the first vote, but I interjected.

"Just a minute," Bella glared at me with the tiger kitten anger she seemed to think was frightening, I took her hand and squeezed it. "I have something to add before we vote," I looked at my family, taking their complete attention. "About the danger Bella's referring to, I don't think we need to be overly anxious."

Their thoughts all came at me loudly, _What the hell are you thinking Edward? Were you not present in Volterra when Caius clearly said that they would kill her, and us too? _

_Edward, what are you thinking? You know how powerful they are, we cannot anger them, and you must not let Bella go. _

_Are we gonna fight? Huh? We gonna kick some Italian ass?_

_Edward, there's no way to go up against them. It will be so much easier to just change her, and then you can have her forever too, it's not that hard. Just do the deed, bro. _

Bella didn't seem to notice the change in atmosphere, "You see, there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shaker Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in."

"Which was?" Alice nodded in encouragement.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, its not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I turned to Bella, and she shuddered.

"He finds people – that's his talent, why they keep him. Now the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking through their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker – a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the … flavor? I don't know how to describe it … the tenor … of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances. But after Aro's little experiments… well…" I grinned and shrugged.

"You think he won't be able to find me." Bella finished more me.

"I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?" she glared at me, not quite seeing what I was getting at.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless, It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"

_Good one, Eddy, I like it_.

"But they can find _you,_" Bella said, being worried for the wrong reasons again.

"And I can take care of myself." I nodded once.

Emmett leaned across the table to knuckle punch my fist "Excellent plan, my brother,"

"No," Rosalie hissed.

"Absolutely not," Bella said angrily,

"Nice," Jasper turned the word into a hiss,

"Idiots," Alice muttered under her breath. Esme gave me the most disapproving look, that it made me look down, it reminded me vaguely of what my human mother had done, when she scolded me, how she'd looked at me.

"All right then, Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote." She turned to me first. "Do you want me to join your family?"

"Not that way, you're staying human." I said firmly. She nodded, and turned to Alice.

"Alice?"

"Yes," I wanted to kick her.

"Jasper?"

"Yes," I wanted to hit him upside the head.

"Rosalie?"

"No." Thank you, someone who has a small bit of sense. When Bella turned to Emmett, Rosalie stopped her, afraid to offend her more than she already had. "Let me explain, I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister, It's just that… this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me," Bella nodded, and turned to Emmett again.

"Hell, yes! We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri," I wanted to tackle him to the floor and smack him. Bella turned to Esme,

"Yes, of course, Bella, I already think of you as part of my family," I couldn't think negatively about Esme, but this fourth yes ground on my nerves, and I could feel the edges of my cool façade falling over.

"Thank you, Esme," Bella said and turned to Carlisle. He turned to me.

"Edward,"

"No," I growled, even though I knew I'd already lost.

"It's the only way that makes sense, you've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice." I took my hand from Bella's and walked out of the room, growling and hissing I stepped into the living room. I could hear Carlisle and Bella speaking behind me, but I just turned to the glass table with books, vases, and crystal figurines on it, swiping everything off of it in one motion, then kick a whole in the wall whilst I smashed the rest of the fragile table onto the wooden floor.

I could hear them still in the next room, and caught Bella's casual "Well, Alice, where do you want to do this?"

I ran back into the room, snarls erupting from my throat and a deep rumbling in my chest. I stood over Bella and yelled angrily "No! _No! _NO! Are you insane? Have you utterly lost your mind?" I shouted in her ears. She tried to back away, holding her hands over her head, and I realized that I was frightening her. I tried sucking in a deep breath to calm myself,

"Um, Bella, I don't think I'm ready for that, I need to prepare…"

"You promised," Bella looked around me.

"I know, but… seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how _not_ to kill you.

"You can do it, I trust you." I snarled, did she _want_ Alice to suck her dry and leave her like a plastic snack rapper on the floor? "Carlisle?" Bella turned to my father figure. I grabbed her face in my hand, forcing her to look into my eyes. I held my other hand towards Carlisle.

"I am able to do it. You would be in no danger me losing control."

"Shoundsh goud" Bella tried to talk between my hands.

"Hold. On. It doesn't have to be now." I said firmly.

"Theresh no reashon for it nod do be now."

"I can think of a few."

"Of coursh you can. Now leb go ob me." I let go, and folded my arms across my chest.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All three of them." Bella frowned, but I could see that playing the Charlie card had been a good move.

"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous, I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle said calmly.

"I'll consider it," Bella pursed her lips. I sighed and relaxed.

"I should probably take you home now. Just in case Charlie wakes up early."

Bella turned back to Carlisle, "After graduation?"

"You have my word." He vowed.

"Okay, you can take me home," she said, a tad been sour. And with that, I pulled her from the house in the woods filled with vampires, before any more of them could promise to destroy her perfect soul any further.


End file.
